Monday, August 24, 2015

Road Blocks

So…it’s been a while, eh?

I realized something every time I sat down and started to write a post about anxiety, depression, feelings, etc. – it made me anxious. It’s important to talk about but it also happens to be EXTREMELY difficult.

Summer is always an interesting time for me. While there are many people who suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in the winter, I feel like this time of year really throws some hurdles at me. Warm, sunny days can easily make me feel depressed because I find that I have a hard time DOING anything and I feel guilty for not being a super-active, super-summer person. I love the summer, I do. It’s been a pretty decent one this year, actually. I got my first tan in years (though I am a proponent of sunscreen and protecting yourself from skin cancer, but whatever, it happened and it was still awesome), went on two wonderful beach trips (one to OCMD, the other to VA Beach), read a crap-ton of fantastic books.

Still, I wake up every sunny day, especially when I don’t have work, and I feel like I’m just not doing it right. One particular Saturday, the first free day in a long string of busy weekends, I actually panicked over the fact that I had nothing to do. It scared me. The freedom scares me. It means I have to face all the stuff I push aside when I’m doing other stuff.

I’m going through a big “Wings on the Way” moment right now. I’m faced with a few different struggles, ranging from emotional to financial. The whole point of this blog, of growing wings on the way, is to figure out the shit as it hits. It’s inescapable and I could run away, or I could jump and find my footing as I fall. It’s kinda what I have to do. IT IS TERRIFYING.

I haven’t forgotten about this space. I still think in blog posts and feelings I want to share. I have so much I want to say, but it’s really hard to say it and it’s even harder when you feel like your voice isn’t worth listening to (until I read this and I felt much better).

My goal these days is to DO SOMETHING. Anything. I just don’t want to be in bed all day, the one place I feel safe because sleep = running away from issues. So here we go…


*The picture contains a quote from Lola and the Boy Next Door that I relate to SO HARD. The book itself is very cute and happy and fun, a good read for those rough times, but it was even better that I found words that spoke so honestly to me.

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