In 2013, I made the (scary) decision to quit my full-time job without any future prospects or nest egg to fall back on. I had been working the job for almost 4 years and had stagnated. It wasn’t just frustrating…I cried in the mornings before work and in the nights when I knew I had to wake up the next day for work. I chose to leave because a) life is too short and b) if I didn’t, I would never look for anything new. The job, and the weight it pressed on me, was holding me back from making any advances because I was too miserable to do anything after work but lie in bed and stream Netflix.
Around that time, I found a great quote that felt like a sign that I was going in the right direction. I’ve seen 100000000 variations of it and I’ve seen it cited to many people, but the quote I saw was Ray Bradbury’s and this is it:
"Sometimes You Just Have to Jump out the Window
and Grow Wings on the Way Down"
It stuck with me, and I continue to find it relevant to each decision I make. For everything I’ve done, I’ve never felt truly ready. What I do when I’m not ready is, well, not do it. Therein lies the problem. If there are things I want to do (quit my job, try a new hobby, exercise), I let the details (not having another job right away, not having the money or tools, not having the right sneakers) keep me from ever even starting.
Back to 2013, when I put in my notice and saw the above quote, I was inspired to start a blog about this new chapter of my life. At the time, I was blogging on the same site I had for five years (you can read that here) and I really enjoyed it. But this time, I wanted to pull focus to particular topics, be a bit more open about the blocks I put up and hardships I face, and create a place where I can share the moments of being lost and finding my way out (and how you can, too!).
I had many A-HA! moments while planning this blog. I picked the name (obvious) and started the ball rolling on Blogger. I wrote vigorous notes after sleep-deprived nights and coffee-fueled mornings. I opened Word documents and wrote fake posts when I felt inspired. But remember…this started near the end of 2013 and it’s now 2015. The math shows that I let one whole year pass without doing anything for this space, for myself. All of the creative energy was there but I was scared (still am) and fear is what keeps me in PJs all day, watching the whole series of How I Met Your Mother for the 5th time. Not good.
Finally, last night, I decided that I should just START POSTING. A huge excuse as to why I haven’t done this yet is because I didn’t create a fancy header or a color scheme. Why launch the space without having it ready in the visual sense? The answer is: I wouldn’t do it. It would stay in a state of Almost for, quite possibly, ever. The point of this space is for me to write. That’s why I’ve always enjoyed blogging, anyway. I’m a “writer”, not a graphic designer.
Just Start. The Project Life card I’m holding in the photo above served as the final push I needed to do the damn thing. I had the idea to hold the card myself for the picture. Then I remembered that my nail polish is chipped beyond all reason (something I usually label a travesty) thanks to a lot of intensive townhouse moving and furniture building. “I’ll wait until I paint my nails to take the picture. Then I’ll do it,” my silly mind said. I was doing it again. Another excuse. Who knows when I would get around to painting my nails (my polishes are still packed)? And it was late and I didn’t want to go through the process of removing it. It was a now or never situation and I decided to do it now.
The photo ultimately sets the tone for this space, for what I do (or don’t do) on a daily basis. Instead of knowing for sure whether I’m “ready” or not, instead of having everything perfect (which, as most of us know, is basically impossible to achieve), I have to just do it and the rest will happen on the way.
FULL CIRCLE POST TO BLOG TITLE ACHIEVED.
Here’s to the beginning of something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. I hope you’ll join me.